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Life as a Horse Illiterate

So, my daughter, the owner of K and T Creations, thought it would be a fantastic idea to have her equine delinquent mother write her first blog of the new year. Welcome 2019 and if this is any indication of how you are going to go…well, best of horseshoe luck my friend. 😊

I can’t say I am 100% horse illiterate… as at the age of four to five years old I had the sweetest pony named, Gringo. From what I remember of her and the fading polaroid pictures of Gringo, well, she appeared to be a doll. At that age, I had no fear of a horse and Gringo lived to please. I regret we didn’t get to make more memories together and that my brothers didn’t get to keep riding, especially, my brother Jerry. He ALWAYS loved to ride and jumped at the chance at every opportunity.

Then in my teen years, my best friend’s family owned the horses at the Bedford Springs Hotel where they gave lessons and trail rides. It was a sweet deal as we were to able to ride here and there and I will never forget Charlie, one blind eye and ‘couldn’t-see-out-of-the-other-eye’ horse. He was another good natured, pokey horse that I was always given to ride. Come to think of it, I remember them saying that it was my best friend’s grandmother’s horse. Hmmm. I also remember the last trail ride with me and good ole’ Charlie, we held the entire gang up because as soon as my hind end hit the saddle, Charlie made his way back to his stall to get few extra nibbles of hay for the ride. I looked like a complete simpleton on that horses back, not only in the stall while he grazed, but every furlong he put between us and the other riders on the trail. “Gitty up and go” was not in Charlie’s vocabulary.

To further enhance my understanding of horses, every vacation we went on, Taylor somehow managed to book a trail ride and off we went. Two of the most memorable was a ride in Kentucky and other in Tennessee. At the Kentucky Horse Farm, I was paired with a horse name Kamikaze. I knew from the moment I heard his name it didn’t look favorable. As Taylor always says, “You lived, didn’t you?” Well yes, yes, I did. But only after Kamikaze bit the rear end of the horse in front of me, not once, but twice, which caused some hard feelings between my horse and the poor fella in front of me. What really set the steeple to shining, was the pre-trail ride instructions. I am definitely a rule follower and I tried to take it all in and be the best steward of this majestic animal named Kamikaze, but listen, when Kamikaze breaks free from the rest of the trail group, proceeds down a ravine at a high rate of speed like we hit a den of venomous snakes, whinnying his disgust at the likes of what, I have no idea, my first and most natural reaction was to let out a wail that I can only cousin to the rebel yell. Apparently, that was in the list of pre-trail ride no-nos. There was quite a bit of commotion following this train wreck and I do recall vowing to walk the 5 miles back to the main barn, much like Scarlett O’Hara vowed in the classic, “Gone with the Wind.” (It involved God as my witness and threats of never again….)

So, in Tennessee, a few years later, Taylor signs us up for another trail ride. For the life of me, I can’t remember my horse’s name, but I do clearly remember my horse’s gas issue. Something that day didn’t set right for my poor guy. For over an hour, over hill and over dale, that horse farted, trumped, broke wind, tooted, honked, and passed more gas than one healthy individual should. The poor horse that had its head up my horse’s tail, well, they should have had more sense to move their head, but instead for every escaping vapor my horse produced, the horse behind coughed, hacked, and barked worse than a coal miner. No harm no foul, but my lord did we ever laugh. All I could do to comfort my vapor locked buddy was rub his mane and say, “there there.”

Okay, so I clearly am 99% equine illiterate. I do now know the difference between a harness and a halter. Amira, Taylor’s dog, wears a harness, while Blaze, Taylor’s horse wears a halter and sometimes wears a harness. Oh, never mind…

It was a pleasure meeting each of you and welcoming the new year into existence. Happy trails and may we meet again.

Until next time,